Surviving The Know-It All Mom ...

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Not so long ago I met a mother at a school that my little one went to. But she really had a way of getting under my skin. Our kids were in the same class, and according to her - her son could do no wrong. According to her he was a child prodigy, a brilliant student, caring friend, gifted athlete .. the list goes on and on. She was so proud of her she even had a personalized license plate bearing her name. But That’s not why I found her so painful.

Let’s call the Mom Sarah. Sarah was a stay at home mom. She had one child. Her husband was an accomplished physician. They lived in a large house (or mansion as the daughter used to refer to it as). They took regular trips overseas and by all accounts appeared to live the perfect life. But unfortunately Sarah was the kind of person who would make it her business to know everything about everyone. Especially your own child.

Sarah’s modus operandi was that because she had so much free time on her hands, she would often volunteer at the school. And then she’d casually drop into conversation that she noticed your child doing something that in her mind was highly dysfunctional (think picking nose/sitting on their own at lunch/telling on other kids - whatever). To make matters worse, in Sarah’s previous life she was a child psychologist, (a fact she reminded us all of on a weekly basis). Her side-comments to me about my child cut me like razor blades.

This is the same person who told me one day, wiping her brow with a pained expression on her face “Oh, you single mothers, I just don’t know how you do it all. My husband was away for the weekend and I had to look after '[beloved daughter] on my own the whole time … I’m just SOOOOO exhausted…I just don’t know how you do it.]

NOTE TO SELF: RESIST URGE TO INFLICT BODILY HARM

I’d like to believe that the comments Sarah made were innocent, and not intended to harm. But they did harm me. She infuriated me. She made me feel like a really crap mother. She made me feel like my child was going to grow up to be some kind of second-rate citizen because she wasn’t raised in a perfectly nuclear family with a mother who had nothing better to do than wait for her kid to get out of school so she could whisk them away to any number of after-school activities.

At first I listened intently to this person. She was after all a “child expert”. Maybe I was doing something wrong that was impacting on my child. Maybe I did need to pull up my socks and arrange more playdates - like she did. Maybe I should volunteer at lunchtime…

And then I realized. Just like Eleanor Roosevelt said :No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I was allowing this woman to prey on my insecurities as a single mother. This woman didn’t have any more of the answers about how to successfully parent than I did. She just had strong opinions.

The bottom line is this; we get to choose who we listen to. Just because someone pretends to have all the answers doesn’t mean they actually do. If someone is making me feel inferior then I have to first stop and acknowledge what is going on. Then try and identify why that comment is cutting me like a razor blade? Is it highlighting an area I need to pay closer attention to? If it is then take the comment as a prod from the universe that something needs to be changed. But if the comment is unwarranted then reject it like a smelly sock

You are a great Mother. You are doing the best you possibly can. No one has all the answers.

Remember the bottom line: Love your children, keep them safe at all costs, believe in them, and provide them a safe, loving home environment they can thrive in.

Everything else is just noise… Sending you a hug!